The official website of Brandon Black.

Tales of the Fuck Police

Warning: Language (Duh.)

I wrote this in response to a satirical article: JOHN HAGEE CALLS FOR PROSECUTING WOMEN WHO SAY GOD’S NAME DURING INTERCOURSE.

Fuck Police Mission Log 2115.0616

I polish my mirrorshades as my partner pilots our flying police cruiser. The rookie is green, but she’s all right. My badge gleams, sitting heavy on my black leather combat jacket, a constant reminder of our awesome responsibility.

The call comes in, a disturbance in sector twelve.

The rookie puts the cruiser down on the street outside the residence and we get out.

She draws her laser pistol. I go to the trunk and pull out my laser sight equipped drum-fed tri-barrel rotary shotgun.

I unclip my sonic imager and scan the residence. There’s a woman on a bed riding a man for all he’s worth. The waves on the bottom of the scanner indicate conversation. I key the audio.

“Oh God, yes, yes! God, yes! Do it! Harder! Oh God!”

I’ve heard enough.

I kick open the door, shouting, “FREEZE! FUCK POLICE!”

There’s a thud in the bedroom like the man just suddenly threw the woman off his lap onto the floor. Footfalls. Shouting. A nude woman appears in the doorway with a knife. The rookie fires three times burning charred holes into her flesh. She drops to the ground. The man, also naked, runs up with a gauss pistol in his hand. I key the rotary shotgun. The weapon barks and chops him into ground chuck. I let go the firing key of the rotary shotgun and its barrels spin slowly to a halt.

I tap the comm key on my headset and report to Fuck Police HQ: “Two perps eliminated for sexual blasphemy, resisting arrest and attempted murder of Fuck Police personnel.”

We return to the cruiser and take off having done good work.

* * *

Fantasy, science fiction and steampunk author Brandon Black is the editor of New Orleans By Gaslight, a first of its kind anthology of steampunk and gaslamp fantasy poetry and fiction set in Victorian-era New Orleans. Brandon is also the web content manager for the Week in Geek, New Orleans’ favourite fantasy and science fiction themed radio talk show, every Saturday at 1 pm CST on WGSO 990 AM. Click here to check out Brandon’s ever-expanding list of published works.

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